Dadvice Weekly #16 / The Art (Not Science) of Getting Gifts for Your Wife
Dadvice Weekly - #16
When Brooke and I started dating in November 2014, I had my first real pressure moment: picking out a gift for a girlfriend. At 21, I took a mental note that if this relationship went the distance, I’d be double-whammied every December (her birthday on the 4th and Christmas on the 25th). Eleven years later, here we are. Double whammy achieved.
And I know I’m not alone. Some of my friends are even triple-whammied (birthday, Christmas, and anniversary all in the same month). Prayers up for those guys.
Over the years, I’ve had wins and losses in the gift-giving department. We’ve also talked to friends about what works for them. Here’s what I’ve learned after more than a decade of navigating December gift season.
Lesson #1: Gift Giving Is an Art, Not a Science
Science is black and white. Art is a lot of “it depends”. There’s no formula for the perfect gift because expectations, personalities, and seasons of life change. What worked in year two might flop in year ten.
Early in marriage, we had mismatched expectations. One of us thought the other would love a gift, and instead got a polite smile and a “thanks.” Sometimes the giver was convinced it was a home run, and the receiver was confused why it was even a Christmas gift.
Lesson #2: Communicate Expectations
We now send each other specific ideas. Does it kill the surprise? Yes. Does it guarantee happiness? Also yes. It’s not romantic, but it’s practical and it saves both of us from disappointment.
Lesson #3: Skip the Everyday Stuff
The Instant Pot year taught me this: practical household items ≠ good gifts. Vacuums (even Dyson branded), kitchen gadgets, and cleaning tools belong in the “household purchase” category, not under the tree.
If you want to buy those things, go for it. But buy them for the house, not as a gift. Wrapping up a mop, newest air fryer, or robot vacuum is not the Christmas vibe you’re seeking.
Lesson #4: Go Superfluous
Think indulgent, not necessary. Experiences, luxury versions of things they already love, or something that feels like a treat. If it screams “we needed this,” it’s probably not a gift. I would encourage you to reference what Kyle wrote in newsletter #15.
So with all of that being said, here are our recommendations on great gifts to give your spouse… -SW
Anything from Barefoot Dreams
You can go to Marshall’s and buy a blanket, robe or slippers for like $40. They are soft, but at the end of the day you got your wife a Christmas gift from Marshall’s. I’m not saying they are bad, but a huge upgrade to those types of products is to get something from Barefoot Dreams. I’ll tell you now they are definitely expensive, but Brooke loves everything from this website. If you know your wife wants a product that Barefoot Dreams has, this is as close to a science of giving a good gift that there is.
-SW
Kindred Bravely Pajamas
Alicia’s been wearing these Kindred Bravely pajamas for almost two years now and they’ve become her favorite. Most bamboo clothing gets that pilly, worn-out look after a handful of washes, but these hold up really well. They’re soft without being clingy, the fit is solid, and they still look good despite being worn multiple times a week. They’re around $70 for the set, which feels like a lot for pajamas, but when something actually gets used this much and doesn’t fall apart, it’s worth it. -KC
Capri Blue Volcano Candle
You can buy candles from Walmart. Those aren’t bad, but what I’ve learned is the alpha candle is the “Capri Blue Volcano” candle. I have no idea why these are so popular but this has got to be the most talked about candle in my wife’s life. When we go somewhere that has one I hear about it. When we have ours sitting on the island and people come over I hear about it. I don’t know the marketing strategy to make this the “it” candle, but Capri Blue found a way. I think this one will hit for most wives.
-SW
High Plains Sheepskin Slippers
I got fed up last year with buying cheap slippers that last just one season, so I splurged on a pair of High Plains Sheepskin slippers for Alicia, handmade in Montana. She still brings up how it’s one of her favorite gifts I’ve given her, so naturally I bought myself a pair too. These keep your feet warm and dry through a full winter without the seams splitting or the insoles falling apart. They’re more expensive than what you’d pay for a pair at Costco, but the quality and satisfaction of supporting a small family business makes it worthwhile. You won’t need to buy a new pair next year. -KC
Sur la Table Cooking Class - Date Night
Looking for a gift that’s more about memories than stuff? When Brooke and I were dating, we did a cooking class together. It was a lot of fun and something I would definitely do again. Today, companies like Sur La Table offer classes all over the U.S., and if there’s not one near you, just Google “cooking classes” in your area. It’s the perfect experience gift: fun, interactive, and something you’ll both remember long after the event. -SW
Dadvice Weekly is Kyle and Skyler—two friends in their thirties, living in Colorado, settling into fatherhood and trying to stay sane. Every Tuesday we share what’s working in our homes: gear we use, routines we’ve tested, ideas we’re trying. It could be a recipe, a product that solved a problem, or just what we’re thinking about as dads.
If you have a tip, tried something we mentioned, or just want to say hi, reply to this email or message us on Substack. We read everything, and we’re always looking for what works. Glad you’re here.