Dadvice Weekly #21 / Asking "What if?"
Dadvice Weekly - #21
How do you handle conflict?
As I get older, I notice something about myself that I am working to change:
I tend to make conflicts bigger than they need to be.
At work, I can handle assertive communication and difficult conversations with ease. But when the conflict is with Alicia or a friend whose relationship I really value, it's a completely different story.
I don’t do it intentionally, but sometimes, with those I love, my body reacts to minor disagreements like they’re major threats. My heart rate spikes, my jaw tightens, and before I know it, I’m either trying to end the difficult conversation as fast as possible or I’m withdrawing from it completely. It makes me avoid difficult conversations.
Something that I’ve found helpful is using the phrase “what if” as a mantra of sorts. When I feel myself getting anxious about conflict or something else in my day, this quick phrase helps me to question my internal dialogue and keep it in check.
“What if this conversation about loading the dishwasher is just a conversation about the dishwasher (and NOT about the disagreement we had last night about finances)?”
”What if I just didn’t get anxious before my presentation to leadership this morning?”
“What if the stakes really aren’t as high as I think they are?”
It sounds simple, but it’s been super effective at interrupting unhelpful patterns of thought that can creep into life without noticing. -KC
The Ruthless Elimination of Hurry by John Mark Comer
As we turn over the year soon, my goal is to slow down on purpose. Life won’t do it for you. Every January, I reread The Ruthless Elimination of Hurry by John Mark Comer, and it helps recenters me.
I’ve learned that life can be filled up with things (even good things) like small group, work, travel, softball, and time with friends. None of it is bad, but even good things can drain you if you never stop to ask whether your yes is aligned with your values, your faith, or your capacity.
Comer’s reminder is simple: hurry is the enemy of a grounded life. When we rush, we lose presence, we get tired in deeper ways, and we give our best energy to obligations instead of what truly anchors us.
If any of that resonates with you I encourage you to read this book too. Start the year with intention, not just momentum. Say fewer yeses. Protect your quiet. Make space for God, for rest, and for the people who matter most. -SW
Tracking The Cost of Year One
For any dads who find comfort in numbers, this Reddit post is gold. A father tracked 14 months of data—every bottle fed and diaper changed—to calculate the true cost of the first year of having a kid. Seeing the trends plotted out is wild and insightful (like exactly when milk consumption peaks vs. solids taking over). It’s a really validating visualization of how much work (and money!) goes into keeping our tiny humans alive. -KC
Netflix
A few years ago Brooke and I realized we were paying for way too many streaming services at once. YouTube TV, Netflix, Apple+, Hulu… all running every month even though we barely used half of them. I watch YouTube TV the most during football season through March Madness. Netflix only gets opened when new content drops. We kept Apple+ for Ted Lasso. And Hulu was just along for the ride. Not to mention that over the years prices have subtly hiked for the services.
So we started churning our subscriptions based on what we actually want to watch. It’s simple, it saves money, and it keeps us from paying for background noise.
We haven’t had Netflix for a few months, but right now is the perfect time to pick it back up:
Two NFL games on Christmas
The final season of Stranger Things with the finale on January 1
A Cowboys documentary I still need to watch
A new Knives Out movie to round it out
If you’re not churning services yet, give it a try. And if you are, this is a great window to jump back into Netflix. -SW
Thrift Store Traditions
Alicia and I started a tradition a few years ago that has brought us a surprising amount of joy: the thrift store mug exchange. We realized that older mugs often have better weight and quality, and it’s genuinely fun to hunt for something unique, inexpensive, and available at any thrift store. We give it to each other on Christmas with the other gifts under the tree. Since it’s something you use every morning, it becomes a daily reminder of that tradition, and gives you reason to think about it fondly all year. This year we’re getting the kids involved too. If you’re feeling the pressure of holiday spending, I highly recommend finding a low-stakes, inexpensive tradition in this vein. It really helps create space for joy and memories without a hefty price tag. -KC
Christmas Tree Topper Holder
If you have a busy house, you know the struggle of the leaning (or falling) tree topper. After ours took a dive for the second time this month, I bought this Twist-on Stabilizer. It secures the star with a metal corkscrew into the tree rather than relying on the bendy top branch. It’s a small thing, but the star’s never looked better, or more secure. -KC
Dadvice Weekly is Kyle and Skyler—two friends in their thirties, living in Colorado, settling into fatherhood and trying to stay sane. Every Tuesday we share what’s working in our homes: gear we use, routines we’ve tested, ideas we’re trying. It could be a recipe, a product that solved a problem, or just what we’re thinking about as dads.
If you have a tip, tried something we mentioned, or just want to say hi, reply to this email or message us on Substack. We read everything, and we’re always looking for what works. Glad you’re here.