Dadvice Weekly #25 / Motion vs. Direction
Dadvice Weekly - #25
Way back, when I was single and in my twenties, I spent much of my time thinking I needed to figure out where I was going before I could start moving. After all, what’s the point of building momentum if it’s not in the direction I want to go?
As I get older, I realize that thinking is backward, or unhelpful to me, at least. Today, in my mid-thirties, I’m convinced that motion—building habit, routine, muscle memory—matters more than direction.
If my twenties taught me anything, it’s that I can’t really control where I’ll end up anyway, no matter how carefully I plan. We can aim for a general direction, but ultimately, there are too many variables, and what 20-year-old Kyle wanted isn’t what 35-year-old Kyle wanted anyway.
The novelist who never wrote a blog post, the guy waiting to build his dream physique without first getting generally stronger, the person holding out for a commission before they’ve made anything at all—they’re all stuck in the same trap.
Beginning with the end in mind sounds smart, and maybe it helps with motivation. But waiting for that end to materialize before you start? That’s not helpful, it’s actually paralyzing. What if you need to build your back and legs before your chest looks the way you want it to? What if the blog you don’t want to write is exactly the training ground you need before the novel?
Direction will reveal itself through doing. Movement creates options. Sitting still, waiting for clarity about where you’re headed, creates nothing but more waiting. -KC
Professional Dishwashing Advice
I spent part of my MLK Jr. Day with an appliance guy fixing my dishwasher. If you know me, you know I love doing DIY stuff. But if I find the YouTube video and it looks out of my league, I am perfectly fine calling a professional.
Also, if you know me, you know I am not just calling an appliance guy and letting him do his thing without learning something useful. I asked him, “What is the best tip you would give people for running the dishwasher that most people don’t know?” I assumed he would say something about a brand of soap or a specific setting.
Instead, he gave me some universal advice worth sharing.
In the same way you heat up the sink water before hand-washing dishes, you should do the same for your dishwasher. Run the sink water until it is warm, then start the dishwasher for more effective cleaning. -SW
TickTick
Recently, a friend turned me onto TickTick. It’s a task manager with a built-in habit tracker. The app comes with 60+ pre-loaded habits you can add with one click, or you can build custom ones with your own icons. The streak tracking is fun and keeps me honest. What makes it stick is that everything lives in one place: my tasks, calendar (syncs with Google calendar), habits, Eisenhouer Matrix, even a Pomodoro timer for when I need to lock in and write. I’m using the free version ($0) which is generous—nine lists, 99 tasks each, full habit tracking. Premium runs about $28/year if you want calendar views and themes. It’s replaced three apps on my phone, which feels like a win. Available for iPhone and Android. -KC
Rechargeable Hand Warmers
If you remember from issue #24, I have been trying to go on more walks before work even when it is cold. When you live in Colorado, there is only so much you can control when it comes to warming up your body.
One thing that has helped a lot is purchasing these rechargeable hand warmers. They have been surprisingly useful and only $10. I keep them in my jacket pockets and they make a big difference on cold walks.
If you live somewhere cold and find yourself outside for any reason like shoveling snow, skiing, or walking the dog, I think these are well worth it. -SW
Easy Poached Eggs
The kids have been asking for poached eggs more often, which sounds charming until you realize how time consuming they are. I like Ina Garten’s method. She uses a wide sauté pan with a couple inches of simmering water without vinegar or swirling vortex. You can fit four or five eggs in there at once. Crack them into the almost-boiling water (gently!), let them simmer 2 mins, then turn off the heat and let them sit for 10. The wide pan is the key because it gives each egg space to set properly without crowding. If you’d prefer the egg to cook without the yellow spot on top, cover with a lid when you turn off the heat. -KC
The Common Rule by Justin Whitmel Earley
I have been in a book club at work for the last couple of months, and we just finished a book called The Common Rule by Justin Whitmel Earley. If that name sounds familiar, he is also the author of Habits of the Household.
If you have enjoyed some of the Christian content shared through Dadvice, I think you would really enjoy this book.
Justin is an attorney in DC, a father of four, and someone who knows what it feels like to juggle a demanding job and family life. What I appreciated most is how practical his advice is when it comes to aligning your calendar with what you say you value. He also shares very real and relatable stories about trying to teach his kids about Jesus, and how it rarely looks the way a movie would make it seem.
This book focuses on eight spiritual disciplines he has built into his life and challenges the reader to consider doing the same. A couple examples include turning your phone off for one hour a day and arranging your life so your family can practice Sabbath once a week.
At times it felt like a self-help book. At other times it felt like a spiritual discipline book. Both were done in a really good way.
If you are in a small group looking for something to read together, or if you simply enjoy thoughtful and practical books, I highly recommend this one. -SW
Just for Dad: Doing Hard Things with Friends
Last week, I was venting to some friends about a backyard project when they both offered to help without thinking twice, and it took me aback. When did I forget asking for help was an option? I’ve been so buried that offering my time to help others doesn’t cross my mind much anymore (which feels pretty bad to admit). But why can’t I help someone even when I’m swamped? Bring a kid or two along, let them see what community actually looks like. Showing up for people and letting them show up for you is something valuable that I want my kids to see and participate in. -KC
Dadvice Weekly is Kyle and Skyler—two friends in their thirties, living in Colorado, settling into fatherhood and trying to stay sane. Every Tuesday we share what’s working in our homes: gear we use, routines we’ve tested, ideas we’re trying. It could be a recipe, a product that solved a problem, or just what we’re thinking about as dads.
If you have a tip, tried something we mentioned, or just want to say hi, reply to this email or message us on Substack. We read everything, and we’re always looking for what works. Glad you’re here.