Dadvice Weekly #26 / "Social" Media
Dadvice Weekly - #26
Something strange but also incredibly normal happened the other day. I opened Instagram and started counting how many posts I scrolled through before I saw someone I’ve actually met in real life. It wasn’t until the 23rd post, a video from an old high school friend, that I finally did. The 22 posts before were seven ads and a mix of influencer content and strangers the algorithm decided I should care about.
That got me thinking about how Instagram used to work. Back in college the feed was simple and had 2 business rules: 1) show posts in order of recency and 2) only show posts from people you followed. There weren’t videos, there weren’t multiple photos on a post, there weren’t stories, and there weren’t suggested content from the algorithm. I’d scroll until I hit the last post I had previously seen then close the app and move on with my day. Somewhere along the way Instagram shifted from being “social” media, a place to see what your friends were up to, into something else entirely.
What I’ve been wrestling with the last year is what do I do about it? I don’t have a neat answer. Part of me thinks if the purpose of the app isn’t what I signed up for, maybe I should quit. The apps are a massive time suck. But another part of me loves Instagram. Random posts, like a photo of a “for lease” sign tagged with graffiti that says Navidad, make me laugh. That seems worth something.
I doubt I’ll ever have the perfect answer for how to use Instagram. I like it, but I wish I spent less time on it. The world tells you your choices are either doom-scroll endlessly or delete the app altogether. I’ve been trying to strike a middle ground and this is where I’m currently at with it.
Don’t go unlimited. Hours on the couch starting with a Nate Bargatze clip will always end with something less useful. Going unlimited steals time from exercise, parenting, friendship, and community. There’s no longer a natural end point like back when I was in college. I haven’t gotten to the level of setting a literal timer but I have started changing how I use the app. I now check my DMs, then check the stories (where most of my real friends are actually pushing out what they’re doing), then I go through a few videos down the feed. After that I close the app.
Go through who you follow and remove anything that is irrelevant from your interests. No one knows how the algorithm works but a factor of it has to be the accounts you follow.
Be very careful about clicking on ads. If there’s something you’re remotely interested in buying clicking the ad will trigger a more aggressive set of ads from the company. Some data suggests that it takes 7 impressions of a product or service to get someone to actually buy it. Long gone are the days of leaving the house to “go shopping”. If you’re scrolling at night your “free” Instagram account will cost you whatever the ads are selling.
As we’ve gotten into this year I’m starting to care more about monitoring my screentime. Here’s a post with a few recs and ideas that have helped me do what I want to do and be on my phone less. -SW
Brick
About six months ago Brooke bought a Brick for herself. I had seen it on social media but had not really looked into it. Now I am a big fan. Brick is a small plastic square that lives on our fridge and pairs with an app on your phone. In the app you group together apps that become impossible to open when your phone is bricked. To unbrick your phone, you physically touch it to the Brick. You can still receive calls and texts, and there is an emergency unbrick option, but you only get three before you have to reset everything.
What I love is that it solves the problem without forcing extremes. I do not need a dumb phone. I do not need to delete useful apps. There is no subscription once you buy it. It simply creates friction in the moments where mindless scrolling tends to take over. That friction is the point, and it works.
My favorite time to use Brick is Sunday after church. I like knowing I am reachable but not distracted by Instagram, Facebook, or Twitter. Brick is $60 MSRP, and discount codes usually bring it closer to $50. Even if you only use it occasionally, it is worth having. Presence is not about perfection. It is about setting up systems that make the right choice easier. -SW
Using Social Media Filters
I’ve found using filters on social media to be incredibly helpful. You can block specific words, phrases, or topics. What’s left is what I care about and enjoy—friends’ updates, memes, recipes we might try. It takes maybe five minutes to set up in your settings, and everything feels much cleaner very quickly. You’re still on the app, but you’re choosing what gets through instead of letting the algorithm decide. –KC
Physical Books
The older I get, the more I love looking back at the books I have read. Lately I find myself wanting to reread more than chase something new. One habit I have picked up is buying the physical copy and putting it on my bookshelf. I know it takes up space and I know it costs money, but there is something meaningful about seeing those spines lined up. When I remember an idea but not the source, I can usually ask AI to help me track down the book or even the chapter, then pull it off the shelf and revisit a few pages that mattered.
I also use the library or Libby for audiobooks as a way to test drive a book before buying it. If I finish it for free and know I will want to come back to it, I grab a physical copy. The best part is that physical books force me to slow down. Sitting on the bed with a book before sleep has replaced a lot of late night scrolling. It is simple, but it helps me go to bed earlier and keeps me learning, and that feels like a win. -SW
Amazon Basics Alarm Clock
For the last 2 months I have been sleeping with a physical alarm clock. It is the $9 one on Amazon. No sunrise feature. No smart anything. It tells time, has snooze, and beeps very loudly at one preset time. That is it. This is a habit I do not want to break. When I put my phone away at night it is fully away. My phone is not the first thing I touch in the morning, and that alone has been a big win. My mornings are more consistent, I wake up at the same time regardless of what my drowsy self wants, and my phone has less control over how my day starts. Sometimes less really is more. -SW
No Phone from Dinner to Bed
We’re still figuring this out, going through seasons where we’re better at this than others. But what we’ve found most helpful is physically removing phones from within reach from dinnertime to kids’ bedtimes. It’s typically the hardest part of the day for all involved, and the phone doesn’t help things. -KC
Dadvice Weekly is Kyle and Skyler—two friends in their thirties, living in Colorado, settling into fatherhood and trying to stay sane. Every Tuesday we share what’s working in our homes: gear we use, routines we’ve tested, ideas we’re trying. It could be a recipe, a product that solved a problem, or just what we’re thinking about as dads.
If you have a tip, tried something we mentioned, or just want to say hi, reply to this email or message us on Substack. We read everything, and we’re always looking for what works. Glad you’re here.