Dadvice Weekly #54 / System>Discipline
Dadvice Weekly - #54
I think about process way more than a normal person should. A big part of my job is figuring out how work should move, how decisions get made, and how to make something repeatable without making it unnecessarily complicated. Over time, I’ve developed a pretty simple philosophy about good processes: the best process would read your mind and do exactly what you want without you having to do anything. Unfortunately, we haven’t figured that one out yet. So the second best process is one you barely notice. It’s simple, predictable, removes unnecessary decisions, and most importantly, makes doing the right thing easier.
I’ve started realizing the same principle applies outside of work. A lot of the things we think require more discipline might actually require a better system. One example for me is beer. I’m not trying to quit drinking, but I am trying to drink less because it’s an easy way to consume fewer calories. For years, buying beer meant going to Sam’s Club or Costco and buying a 24 pack because that is obviously the cheapest way to buy it. Recently, I’ve started buying six-packs instead.
Financially, this makes no sense. I’m probably paying literally 30 to 40 percent more per beer. But there’s something limiting about having six or fewer beers in the house at any given time. If there are 22 beers sitting in the cooler in the backyard, having one tonight feels inconsequential. If there are only four left, there’s a little more friction. I can’t give you a spreadsheet showing exactly how many drinks or calories this has saved me, but I know directionally it has been really good for me. I didn’t suddenly become more disciplined. I changed the environment around the decision.
Sometimes adding friction is the system. Other times, the goal is removing friction entirely. I’m a big believer in automating as much of your life as you reasonably can. Every night, I make sure there’s nothing on the floor preventing our robot vacuum from running. Then I don’t have to think about vacuuming daily. Our coffee setup might be an even better example. We have a Keurig, and I buy basically the cheapest K Cups I can find. I know there are substantially better ways to make coffee, but I also know myself well enough to know that I don’t want another decision in the morning. I don’t want to pick the beans, grind them, measure anything, or decide which coffee sounds good today. I want to press one button and drink coffee.
There’s a related idea I’ve become really interested in called categorical decision making. The basic idea is that you decide something once instead of reopening the decision every time the circumstances change. Imagine you’re trying to lose weight and decide, “I don’t drink soda.” That’s very different from saying, “I’m going to try to drink less soda.” Less soda creates a negotiation every time. What about when I’m out to eat? What about at a friend’s house? What about at the movies? What about on vacation?
If the rule is “I don’t drink soda,” there isn’t much to decide. Home, restaurant, movie theater, vacation, same answer. You made the decision once. That doesn’t mean everything in life needs to become an absolute rule because that would be miserable. But there are certain areas where categorical decisions can be incredibly helpful because they eliminate the constant negotiation with yourself.
I think that’s what all of these examples have in common. The six-pack limits the opportunity. The robot vacuum removes the chore. The Keurig removes the decision. The categorical decision removes the negotiation. None of these things makes me a more disciplined person. They just require discipline less often.
So instead of always asking, “Why can’t I be more disciplined about this?” I’m trying to ask, “How could I design this so I don’t need as much discipline in the first place?”
There will always be things that require real discipline: getting up when you’re tired, having a difficult conversation, finishing something you’d rather put off, being patient with your kids when you’ve had a long day, or saying no when yes would be easier. I’d rather save my discipline for those things than use it deciding whether I should vacuum tonight.
A good system doesn’t make you more disciplined. It makes discipline less necessary. -SW
Dadvice Weekly is Kyle and Skyler—two friends in their thirties, living in Colorado, settling into fatherhood and trying to stay sane. Every Tuesday we share what’s working in our homes: gear we use, routines we’ve tested, ideas we’re trying. It could be a recipe, a product that solved a problem, or just what we’re thinking about as dads.
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